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About Ladymin
Forward by Ladymin's Husband:- This is the first 20 years of "Ladymin's" life. She has achieved many things in her difficult life including obtaining two University Degrees. Ladymin gave birth to a beautiful son who was 17 years old -when I first began this page 2003. Ladymin's son, Matthew, was also blessed with achondroplasia. I am building this web site with all my love and am hoping that it will bring an understanding of all people who are "different" to all who read this story. I'm also encouraging my beloved Ladymin to write about the last 30 years of her life, so as to add her continuing journey of being, as she often refers to herself as "a variation on a theme". Please pray for this endeavour to happen! Also, Ladymin, can be contacted via email - see end of article- and would welcome your comments and encouragement.
Throughout my life I have been given many titles-'dwarf', 'midget' and 'freak'-in all of those words the concept of being a person is somewhat forgotten. I don't speak like a chipmunk. I don't sleep in a matchbox. neither are Tom Thumb and Snow White my best friends. I am simply just another person living on this earth. Because I have a shape which is a 'variation on a theme', however. I am thought of and treated as someone less able than the ordinary person. The term 'handicap' is for others a summary of my life, and there is the idea that I am inherently different or unable to be a person like others.
I believe that 'handicap' refers to the inability to cope with a certain situation. So we all possess handicaps, only some are more obvious than others. My situation is that I am small in a world which caters only for those who are bigger. I would have a handicap if I were unable to cope with being small, but generally I do not. When people meet me for the first time, they often find difficulty in knowing what to say or do is it not that the 'handicap' is within themselves?
Unfortunately, many people cannot accept the fact that my physical difference is really just a variation on a theme. People who can only see the externals, and put so much emphasis on them, do find problems in accepting me along with my. physical difference. They can ignore the fact that I am just like anyone else in having the same range of feelings on the human spectrum of emotions. I feel hurt just as much as anyone else-I feel joy. There is nothing 'short' about my being a person.
In writing this story of my experiences in life, I hope to convey to you what it has been like when people see my physical difference and, from that. imply that I am 'abnormal' in being a person. I shall share some of the funny moments I've had because of being physically different and I shall share some of the not so funny! Through writing this story I hope to shed some light on thinking about those who are labelled 'handicapped'.
Because my physical appearance is different, it does not mean that I am different inside. I've done the same things as others-I've gone to school, I've played games, I've had my puberty blues, I've enjoyed relationships with males and females and, like other people, I too know the beauty of love which is shared by two people. This beauty takes into account my physical make-up but more than that it takes into account the whole of me. However, there have been many times in my life when people have hurt me by thinking and acting towards me as though I am devoid of human feeling. People talk down rather than with! They have spoken with sympathy rather than empathy. pity rather than understanding and acceptance. They have seen only a size, not a person and that makes me feel degraded. When I have been with tall people. for example. others will ask them questions about me, as though I am incapable of answering for myself. This type of treatment makes me angry because it indicates the strange ideas which many people in the normal' world have about me. They see me primarily as a 'little' person and therefore 'little' in mentality.
Sometimes my life has had so much pain in it-either physical or emotional-that I have felt like ending it all. Sometimes I have 'short' days. which are the days when I feel very conscious of height. I sometimes hate going by full glass windows simply because I can't bear to confront my true height. It is on these occasions when I feel so very 'low' (in height and in person) that I feel like giving it in when I've got so annoyed and frustrated with people and the way they treat me that I don't feel like going on with existence. waiting for the next insult or ignorant comment. But thank God, there are people on this earth who are sensitive and understanding and they have been a real boost to me when I have been down. After being with them, I can go to that pane of glass, look at it and have no pain! I have confidence in my existence. These people aren't saintly; they are just accepting and not so preoccupied with standard shapes and figures.
Do you know what it feels like when I go walking with a male down Queen Street in Brisbane or anywhere else, having people stare at both of us? How I crave for an 'unlisted' life! It is funny that I get the attention other people crave for and I don't have to do a damn thing to get it-all that is required is for me to be natural and the whole world takes notice! After people discover that I have something resembling a 'brain' in my head, they tend to treat the fact of my studying at university as a kind of miracle. Sometimes I have been expected to be 'super bright' or 'super dumb'whatever happened to the inbetween bit! It seems that when you are 'different' in one aspect. then you aren't given much of a chance to be anything but extreme in other areas.
If you're a dwarf or physically different, you are actually expected to live a different life so when you do something 'usual' it becomes sensational. I am involved with a male who is normal in size. and our forthcoming marriage is regarded almost as the ninth wonder of the world (the eighth wonder is the realisation that I am completely human).
Would you believe that I even get strange looks from some shop assistants when purchasing things? When asking for a certain commodity the assistant reacts surprised to think little people require Kleenex or can actually speak! I have been similarly treated on numerous occasions, and each time makes me wonder what goes on in people's heads to allow them to have such 'small'-minded ideas!
Had I not had a sense of humour with the many situations I've experienced, I think I would have gone crazy. I've learned that it is necessary to make some of the painful experiences into good laughs. Lifts can be very frustrating places. Consider the picture-a small female pushed to the back of the lift and surrounded by big men with big bums being shoved into her face! Sometimes I have wished that I had a large hat pin when in such positions and could go charging through the crowd! How devilish!
Lifts can also be a place of having to rely on someone tall being in there with me. For the average person it is simply a matter of walking into the lift and then pressing the floor number not so for me! Only some numbers are within my range and as for the alarm button and the emergency stop button they are usually well out of my reach. On some occasions I have only been able to go to the second floor and have had to walk the rest of the distance, which can be very painful for my back and legs! There are also problems concerning the usage of other public facilities-telephones, toilets. post-boxes etc. (these are usually too high for me to reach without assistance). If any of you are designing something for the general public please remember that some of the public is not 'general'! This is not asking for pity, all that is wanted is for people to view the situation from the aspect of those who are different.
Well here is my story. I have tried to bring out some of the problems I have faced as a 'little' person, and in so doing I hope to have destroyed some of the myths and misconceptions that abound
LET'S ABOLISH APART-HEIGHT!
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